Being a mummy is……….Dangerous!!!

Seriously!!

Every day with kids (well my kids anyway then!)…..

Is hazardous!!!

This morning, as I was quite happily laying bed, minding my own business and sipping on my cup of tea trying to catch up on whats been going on in social media land on my phone – I had absolutely no idea that the next split second later I was going to be stabbed in the eyeball by a wooden spoon!!

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Oooowww!!

What a lovely ‘Good Morning Mummy’ from Little E that was!!!

OK – so it was a play wooden spoon – but it still stabbed me in the eye none the less!!

The other day I go to relax on the grass outside in the garden as Mr B is playing and entertaining the kids, but lo and behold, again, a couple of seconds later and I’ve got two little monsters straddling my back and using it as some sort of trampoline!

Little E watches as I brush and style (well,  ponytail anyway – not sure that constructers much of a style – but its better than Mr B’s efforts!) H’s, so I suppose it’s quite cute that she wants to copy and learn.  Except she’s so rough and doesn’t know her own strength so goes at my head with the wrong (hard wooden) side of the hairbrush and just smacks it on the back of my head!

And talking of hair; how Rapunzel ever coped with people climbing her hair I’ll never know – I do not like it! It hurts!!!

The other day, H was innocently playing with her new over the shoulder purse, but she was pretending to be Sheriff Callie and was swinging it around and around until it slaps me straight across the face!

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Little E is also into tickling – which hurts!

She goes up to your face with both hands and tries to tickle – but I’m sure this is turning into some sort of

‘let’s just wallop mummy across the cheeks a bit and see if I can pass it off as a game’

type of thing!

The other evening I got body slammed when lying on the floor, trying to do my stretches for my bad back (see trampoline comment above!) and then a knee in the throat for good measure!  All together winding me and chocking me all at the same time!

They both seem to strategically place random Lego bricks around the house, the odd ball on the stairs, pencils scattered across the kitchen floor to slip on, all just as mini traps to catch their poor unassuming parents with at a later time.

And poor Mr B…

Well, he has another couple of appendages that always seem to be at the exact right height to be in the wars!!!

The other day, Little E went running towards him – but because he had both hands full at the time, he couldn’t reach down to stop her in time, so she head-butted him straight in the plums, as he calls them!!

My boobs seem to be prone too – Little E was climbing over the duvet covers the other morning – again when I was trying to have a lie-in (there could be a moral to this story!) – when she literally grabbed hold of my nipple and pulled herself up!!!!

Talk about pain!!!

Then there are the times I wish I wore a helmet!

You may have had a similar experience, but as you are bending over to get to their level, they excitedly jump up to you, unfortunately at the same time, which only results in lots of tears, a black eye, a sore head and a fat lip!!

I am covered from head to toe in bruises – in the most random of places where they’ve climbed and tugged and pushed and barged, and pinched at me.

Then there’s when they slam the doors on your fingers,

When they throw things,

Jump on your toes.

All totally accidents of course, but still painful none the less.

And this is the hard bit about being an adult. Being their parent.

This is when I need to act ‘the bigger person’ and soothe them and say not to worry, it was only an accident, when really all I want to do is scream and swear and curse as loud as I possibly can!!

I seriously think, as each parent leaves the hospital, complete with beaming smiles, car seat in hand with beautiful new baby and brimming love in their hearts; we should each be issued with the following ‘standard parent issue safety gear’:

                • Hard hats
                • Safety Glasses
                • Steel toe capped boots
                • Cricket boxes for the boys
                • Gum shields
                • Face mask – a la Friday 13th (shudder!!!)
                • Back protector
                • Knee pads
                • Shin pads
                • Full coat of armour… with shield!

Basically, I think I’d just like one of those blow up sumo suits – so that as soon as they come near me, I can bat them away quickly again without harming anyone in the process.

Perfect!

What do you think????

PS:  This is my new mini post series – so they’ll be more from ‘Being a mummy is…..’ in a later post!!

Hope you enjoy them!!

xx

 

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29 Comments

  1. 18th July 2014 / 6:13 pm

    I love this! It’s so true. I was once knocked unconscious during an unexpected sword fight! I also suffered nerve damage to my hand courtesy of a wooden spoon. We should definitely be issued with body armour x #binkylinky

    • 18th July 2014 / 6:22 pm

      Oh no! You poor thing!! My injuries are minuscule compared to yours!!! You have just given me even more reason to think the body armour should be standard issue!!! Xxx

  2. 18th July 2014 / 7:20 pm

    Oh I thought this was just me! Baby ran across the couch the other day and flung herself at me and her wooden spatula went straight in my eye – though I was going to be sick! I have so many injuries, one of her fav’s is trying to scrape out my septum while having her night bottle. xxx

    • 18th July 2014 / 8:04 pm

      Oh no – not you too!! It’s starting to look as though the plain old wooden spoon seems to be their weapon of choice!!!! Fingers crossed for no more injuries!! Thank you for your comment x

  3. 20th July 2014 / 4:31 pm

    I laughed at this! Good job its not just me. I have just been head butted by a little boy (my own of course!) but it hurt him more. Love this list of things we need, going straight out to buy this now! x

    • 22nd July 2014 / 6:09 pm

      They really are a liability aren’t they!! Every comment I have had back is saying much the same thing!! Looks like we’re all in it together!

  4. 20th July 2014 / 6:19 pm

    Haha what a great post! Loved all of it, made me laugh a lot. I totally agree with the safety equipment we should be given when we leave hospital. My little one is only three months old but she already nips, headbutts and pulls hair! xx #binkylinky

    • 27th July 2014 / 9:23 am

      Thanks for the comment Sarah 🙂 It is a bit of a nightmare isn’t it!!! Perhaps we all need safely awareness courses too!! Hope you don’t get too many more bumps and bruises!! xxx

    • 27th July 2014 / 9:25 am

      Hey Becky! Thanks so much for your comment – I am so pleased as it seems I have found a common link between all us mummys!!! And as far as the safely gear idea – Dragons Den – here I come!! 😉

  5. 21st July 2014 / 8:31 am

    So true. Being a mother is hazardous! Same scenes happening in the house. Those lego parts hurts a lot when stepped on too =P #binkylinky

  6. 21st July 2014 / 9:03 am

    Popping over from #BrilliantBlogposts – this made me chuckly, sounds like our house, my 3 year old loves Sherrif Callie too. Ouch the boob sounds awful, Lil G did something similar this morning too! Eek

    • 27th July 2014 / 9:30 am

      Hey lovely. Thank you so much for popping over to comment! Im so pleased you were able to relate – but I feel for you also that it was the ‘boob’ bit in particular!!! Ooh-ooowwww!! They have absolutely no idea of the pain they accidentally cause!! Hope you’re not quite as sick of Sheriff Callie as I am btw!! They could really do with recording some more episodes don’t you think!?!?!?

  7. bakedpotatomummy
    21st July 2014 / 7:25 pm

    Oh so true! Potato loves to give kisses, but they tend to involve an awful lot more teeth than I would like and can be quite painful! The most painful though was the time he came to find me in the morning and reached up to haul himself onto my bed. Instead or sheet, mattress or duvet, he grabbed a handful of nipple and dragged all 12kg of 2 year old, onto the bed. Not a nice way to wake up!
    Looking forward to reading the rest of your series and thanks for linking up with #BinkyLinky

    • 27th July 2014 / 9:39 am

      Oh Potato!! Poor mummy’s boobies!!!! No wonder we all have saggy boobs after raising our children!!!! xxx

  8. 21st July 2014 / 8:33 pm

    A blow up sumo suit is so not a good look but I agree these kids are dangerous (mine included) Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts

  9. 26th October 2014 / 9:01 am

    Ha ha Steph, so funny you know Jack once hit me in the face with a baseball, ball it was agony I got a black eye, he was only 2. But yes kids are dangerous bless them x

  10. 26th October 2014 / 9:06 am

    Haha love it!!
    It’s so true, the little monkeys are just not careful with their poor mummies and daddies! Popping over from #sundaystars

    • 29th October 2014 / 11:20 am

      I know!! The naughty little tikes!!! Just not a care in the weld eh!? :0))) Glad you liked it. xx

  11. 26th October 2014 / 6:06 pm

    This really made me laugh! especially the part about Mr B, my two always seem to know just where to aim their kicks or their little feet when climbing on him! Every time :0)

    • 29th October 2014 / 11:06 am

      Its like a sixth sense anthem isn’t it! homing device of sorts!! Poor hubby!!! xx

  12. 26th October 2014 / 7:27 pm

    This is a fab new series. So often have i felt the need for a hard hat. Thanks for linking up with #sundaystars come and join us again next week.

  13. 27th October 2014 / 7:52 pm

    so true!! My poor hair is a mess from my daughter pulling it out… I end the day with bruises and never quite know how I got them!!
    #sundaystars

    • 29th October 2014 / 11:05 am

      I k now – me too!! I never used to get bruises as well before i was a mum!! Now I’m covered! I used to take pride in my appearance but just don’t see the point anymore!! Haha!! xx

  14. 27th October 2014 / 9:46 pm

    This is so true! The bit about pulling herself up on you in bed just made me crack up! My daughter is always putting things in my mouth, and my son leaves scissors on the floor all the time, x

    • 29th October 2014 / 11:02 am

      Oh no – scissors on the floor!! Kids are hilarious aren’t they!! But yes – very dangerous!!!! xxx

  15. 25th April 2018 / 7:18 am

    This is a very good series .It’s so true. i know lot of idea about your post. it help me.

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