I hold my hands up in the air and admit freely and openly, to each and everyone of you, that I sometimes don’t seem to cope very well with being a mum.
Probably being an anything actually!!
It seems the daily grind of a 9-5 desk job, combined with the co-running of a family home, sorting out the needs and wants of two little people under 5,having too much to do with not enough hours in the day in which to do it and finding no time to have hobbies or ‘be me’, has finally taken it’s toll.
And, as it turns out, I’m sat here in the middle of the day typing out this blog post, because my doctor has signed me off work with the sole purpose to rest.
All in all, we think I’m stressed.
Unfortunately for me, any stresses or strains on my life, manifests itself in a sharp rise of my already high blood pressure. You see, I have hereditary hypertension which was diagnosed when I was in my late twenties. So with the blood pressure having rocketed, and having been experiencing other symptoms such as headaches, extreme dizziness, fatigue, general unawareness and lack of concentration or motivation, my doctor decided it was time to rest for a little while until the new medication could kick in.
I suppose I just feel that my get up and go, seems to have got up and gone!!
I hate this word with a passion. Like other mental illnesses there is still a stigma attached to these very serious conditions.
I’m signed off, but feel I need to hide the ‘why’.
I don’t want others to know I’m not coping.
I also hate the way the term ‘stress’ is used so flippantly in everyday language.
Which I feel complete lessons the seriousness of the problem.
Because, as I’m sure you know, if its not controlled, it can lead to far, far worse things.
I’ve had the word thrown at me so many times….
‘Steph, just chill out – don’t stress out about it’
Which, if you’re me, is by far easier said than done!
For weeks, if not months now I’ve been feeling rather off colour. Nothing I can particularly pin point, just not 100%.
It seems I’ve let the little things build up too much and let them take over, which consequently is having a hugely negative impact on my mind and well-being.
My ‘normal’ has for some reason become too much for me to cope with.
This in turn makes me feel guilty.
You see, as it goes, I have a good little life.
I have a fabulous husband who loves me dearly, two wonderful little girls, we each have stable jobs, we have a very close extended family who even assist us with childcare, great friends and few money worries.
So then I think of the other less fortunate families and people out there. And realise that I’m far, far luckier than some who have the most awful issues to contend with.
So exactly what have I got to be stressed about?
Well this is it – I don’t actually know.
All I know is I obviously don’t deal with things as well as other people do perhaps.
It seems that stress can have a significant affect on our bodies and minds.
Over the last few years I have found I tick pretty much every one of those issues above in the picture.
I’ve been on medication, seen therapists, had hypnotherapy and visited counsellors.
I’m told its controllable.
And I believe this.
But I think it’s hard to take that first step up and out of the dark place you’ve found yourself in.
Similar to that of depression or anxiety perhaps.
I’m realising it’s up to me.
It’s how I choose to live and how I choose each of my days to be.
For that reason, I’m going to try and take charge of my life.
Through reading countless self help books, articles, websites, and having been provided with pages and pages of information from my therapists, I think I have a plan.
So, this is where I will introduce my Happy Plan!!!
To be continued………..