I hold my hands up in the air and admit freely and openly, to each and everyone of you, that I sometimes don’t seem to cope very well with being a mum.
Probably being an anything actually!!
It seems the daily grind of a 9-5 desk job, combined with the co-running of a family home, sorting out the needs and wants of two little people under 5,having too much to do with not enough hours in the day in which to do it and finding no time to have hobbies or ‘be me’, has finally taken it’s toll.
And, as it turns out, I’m sat here in the middle of the day typing out this blog post, because my doctor has signed me off work with the sole purpose to rest.
All in all, we think I’m stressed.
Unfortunately for me, any stresses or strains on my life, manifests itself in a sharp rise of my already high blood pressure. You see, I have hereditary hypertension which was diagnosed when I was in my late twenties. So with the blood pressure having rocketed, and having been experiencing other symptoms such as headaches, extreme dizziness, fatigue, general unawareness and lack of concentration or motivation, my doctor decided it was time to rest for a little while until the new medication could kick in.
I suppose I just feel that my get up and go, seems to have got up and gone!!
I hate this word with a passion. Like other mental illnesses there is still a stigma attached to these very serious conditions.
I’m signed off, but feel I need to hide the ‘why’.
I don’t want others to know I’m not coping.
I also hate the way the term ‘stress’ is used so flippantly in everyday language.
Which I feel complete lessons the seriousness of the problem.
Because, as I’m sure you know, if its not controlled, it can lead to far, far worse things.
I’ve had the word thrown at me so many times….
‘Steph, just chill out – don’t stress out about it’
Which, if you’re me, is by far easier said than done!
For weeks, if not months now I’ve been feeling rather off colour. Nothing I can particularly pin point, just not 100%.
It seems I’ve let the little things build up too much and let them take over, which consequently is having a hugely negative impact on my mind and well-being.
My ‘normal’ has for some reason become too much for me to cope with.
This in turn makes me feel guilty.
You see, as it goes, I have a good little life.
I have a fabulous husband who loves me dearly, two wonderful little girls, we each have stable jobs, we have a very close extended family who even assist us with childcare, great friends and few money worries.
So then I think of the other less fortunate families and people out there. And realise that I’m far, far luckier than some who have the most awful issues to contend with.
So exactly what have I got to be stressed about?
Well this is it – I don’t actually know.
All I know is I obviously don’t deal with things as well as other people do perhaps.
It seems that stress can have a significant affect on our bodies and minds.
Over the last few years I have found I tick pretty much every one of those issues above in the picture.
I’ve been on medication, seen therapists, had hypnotherapy and visited counsellors.
I’m told its controllable.
And I believe this.
But I think it’s hard to take that first step up and out of the dark place you’ve found yourself in.
Similar to that of depression or anxiety perhaps.
I’m realising it’s up to me.
It’s how I choose to live and how I choose each of my days to be.
For that reason, I’m going to try and take charge of my life.
Through reading countless self help books, articles, websites, and having been provided with pages and pages of information from my therapists, I think I have a plan.
So, this is where I will introduce my Happy Plan!!!
To be continued………..
Stress ruined our productivity. It is really harmful for our work and it affected our life. Thanks for sharing this great topics.
In college my thesis is how to handle stress with the help of therapy. Stress is anywhere and it can do good but its mostly bad when it becomes chronic. I hope that you will feel better and I am looking forward to reading the happy plan =) #mmwbh
I bet its hard I am a stressy kind of person too And it doesn’t help people telling us to chill out. Try to not be too hard on yourself honestly easier said than done. I am at fault with this too. Try to find what calms you and keeps you on a even balance I do this every other day and it helps. Thank you so much for linking up to Share with Me with such a brave and honest post. #sharewithme
Thanks Jenny – that’s such a lovely reply. xx I love the link up. Back again today. xx
I was diagnosed and signed off from work,over 3 years i think it happened around 5 or 6 times, with Emotional and Physical Stress/Exhaustion and/or depression. My boss asked on the last time, ”This is occurring lots Becky…so your stressed…everyone gets stressed, deal with it!’ I handed my notice in when I returned to work, I couldn’t work with someone who had no compassion for an employee.
My depression and stress were gone within days of me leaving and it hasn’t really ever returned but sometimes, having 3 under 3.5 at home with me, just me almost all day, it is stressful and when when I am having a shitty day with the kids I get anxious that it will come back. And that anxiousness makes me even more on edge…more cranky…more stressed, thinking about being stressed to THAT point again.
Writing about anything helps, escaping to my happy place, the blog (I’ve never written about my feelings, I get all upset over it, i don’t like that place, its takes me away from my happy place) Its an inspiration that you have been able to write about it, well done and thank you X
Oh Becky, I am disgusted at your boss’ comment!! It is exactly this kind of attitude that makes people embarrassed and just want to hide it away – which makes us even worse as we’re not dealing with it. What an idiot!!! I’m so pleased you left that place – there’s no place stating somewhere where they don’t support their staff!
I would dearly love to stay at home, as I really think it would help me out, but then I wonder if I would just fns something else to stress about instead. Its so very hard isn’t it. I hate the fact that even the little things which are meant o be so precious can get out of hand and just push me over the edge – like the kids playing too much and not wanting to eat their dinner or get dressed etc!! Then, because I’m emotional etc anyway – it just presses a button inside me and I can flip! Obviously not physically or nastily, but then I am utterly racked with guilt. Its so very hard isn’t it!
I am so pleased I wrote the post – I have realised how very common it is to experience this and how much stress, anxiety and depression there s amongst us mums and dads. Its a tricky time for all of us, but by speaking to one another and being there for one another I really feel I can get through this. If you’re at Blogfest next week I’ll have to give you a hug!! Thank u so much for such a lovely response. I really appreciate it. xxxxx
Oh huni, I hope you are o.k. I have PND which often manifests itself in stress and the inability to cope with things I found easy before. It is so frustrating. I try to do certain things to help keep me on an even keel but I think I need to do more xx #MMWBH
I agree. Being a working mum is by far the most stressful thing I have ever done. If some one would have asked me this time last year when the thing that would stress me out the most would be, I would never have in a million years said THE WASHING!
The stuff breeds! You really do need to have some me time – Maybe make a plan where you get one night off per week? That is what we do and it works > http://itsathursdaything.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/mummys-night-of-these-are-few-of-my.html
I can so relate! It can be so hard to admit when you just can’t quite get a handle on life. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and while medication and therapy helps, there are still times when stress gets the best of me. It’s doubly hard to deal with when the people around you don’t realize the magnitude of what you’re feeling.
This really resounded with me and I wish you all the best!
Thank you for linking up at the Share With Me blog hop!
Aww thank you so much – what a lovely comment. I’m sorry you suffer anxiety and stress too. But I’m realising how common it really is. Life sometimes just gets the better of all of us. I’m still battling my emotions and feelings and still, like you say, I find it so very hard when others don’t understand. But hey, it something I’m working on. But then its hard to fit ‘working on it’ into such a busy life. Its rather a catch 22 don’t you think. Thanks again for such a lovely response and apologies for the delayed reply – I’m not very ‘techy’ and my system decided it didn’t like me sending comments!! Who am I to argue!! xxxx
A few years ago I was signed off with stress – though my Dr agreed to put ‘virus’ on the form as I was so worried about what work would think! I was literally stressed about my stress!
I have had periods of completely understandable stress but then even when the reasons go away the stress stays, sometimes I feel like I’m running on adrenaline.
I’ve come to think it’s no wonder if we all get anxious and stressed sometimes. The world is a messed up, scary place and the pressure on our lives can be immense. Regardless of how other people perceive your life.
I do a bit better these days by saying no to things I never really wanted to do, making sure we/I do at least one stand out lovely thing a week and by keeping my weekday evenings clear to just slow down.
Please know you are not alone – make the most of your time off to take care of yourself. Xx
Oh thank you so much for such a wonderful comment. I know it is such a common thing, but its so lovely to hear from others in the same boat. I didn’t want ‘stress’ put on my form either so he just put down the high blood pressure, which they were more concerns with anyway to be honest. You’re right – this world chucks a lot at us so its really no wonder people get themselves all worked up like this. Perhaps I should emigrate – other countries seem to have the work/life balance worked out much more than we do. xxxx Thank you so much again. xx
I like the idea of a happy plan, but don’t put too much pressure on yourself. It’s odd how it can be difficult to say these things out loud but I hope you have some fab friends around you who reach out to remind you how wonderful you are. When they do reach out and offer some support – take it! We all deserve a little more love from time to time. xx
Ok first of all – you sound like a WONDERFUL Mummy. Secondly, I can relate to this feeling, as I am sure a lot of women will. I feel fed up at times and unable to cope. However, coping with everything that you are coping with can be VERY tough and it’s no wonder you’re feeling this way. I can only suggest you try to manage the work bit. Maybe talk to them, try to suggest some flexible working, if you can? I hope things get better. And good to hear you have a plan. Keep us updated. Big love and hugs. Jess x x
Hey Steph, I suffer with anxiety and have done all my life since I was under 5 in fact. It comes and goes, sometimes I cope sometimes I don’t but it’s always there in the back of my mind. It’s something I have to work on every day as it’s part of me, and when I see the signs of it creeping up I know I need to work harder to keep it at bay. Thinking of you x
Oh my gosh!! Since you were under five!! That’s horrendous for you! You poor thing. Im pleased for you that you are able to recognise the signs which forewarns you of what you need to do. I get the feeling this will something that will stay with me for a while too – though I have been given contact details for Talking Tharapies who in turn are going to put me forward for CBT. Hopefully that might be able to re-jig me into feeling better about things in general. Its so difficult isn’t it. Thank you so much for commenting. I’m thinking of you too. xx
PS How are things with you and the new family!!!!!!!!!
I know exactly how you feel my lovely and im gonna tell you your not alone feeling overwhelmed and like your not coping. I know exactly how it feels and i promise you that you’ll get back on an even keel and you’ll see just how well you are doing.
Big hugs huni, There is light at the end of the tunnel and if you wanna talk, i’m here with a virtual cuppa tea ready to listen 🙂
Love the idea of a virtual cup of tea. Bless you! Yes, I’m sure things will work out – Ive been put forward for CBT so I’m hoping that re-jigs my brain a little into thinking of the positives far more than the negatives. Fingers crossed!! Thank you so much for such a lovely comment xxx
Hello lovely lady! What a honest post. I can totally relate to all of that.
My little word of advise is: Don’t be so hard on yourself. There’s a whole lot of stuff happening in your life. Yes, albeit fabulous and happy but still there’s a lot. It’s the same here!
I’ve learnt to be a bit more disciplined in what I commit to doing, we also have a wall planner now that books ME time in. It’s so important. As I have been told many times, before you can look after others you need to look after yourself first. I prescribe a spa weekend for you 😉 xxxxx
Hey lovely. Yes I think you are totally on to something about the ‘me’ time. I have read this lots but just need to put it into practice now!! I have a bit of a plan though fingers crossed I will haul myself up out of this silly gloom!!! Thanks honey. xxx