It’s been fun…. but it’s time to face reality :(

I’ve been a stay at home mummy since January/February of last year.

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 Initially I was signed off work with pregnancy related problems, then I was on maternity leave and finally, to make it a hat trick, in January I was made redundant!

All of which have had their ups and downs.

Firstly it was the sick leave…

I wasn’t due to start maternity leave until about two weeks prior to giving birth, so around the middle of March (ish), but with my blood pressure rising and scare of pre-eclampsia, the doctors and consultants wanted me signed off work to rest.

So yes, on the one hand, hooray – I was off work.  No more getting out of bed on the cold wintry mornings to trudge to work; no more work related issues or problems to worry about; time now just to concentrate on me and my family for an entire year.

Though, on the other hand, this involved weekly trips (sometimes even up to three times a week) to the hospital in the next town over, visits to the local doctor or appointments at the renal clinic, all tied together with a very real concern of illness for either me or my baby.

So, after all this (so much for resting!!) I made it to 37 weeks, which is when I was then admitted to hospital early to have my baby.

Next came the maternity leave….

We’d originally planned for me to take a year off of work, though this would be governed very much so by the state of the monthly bank balance as time wore on.

Through my job as a pharmaceutical Marketing Assistant, I only received the bare minimum in maternity pay-outs from my company. A six week period paid at 90%, then it was just the statutory maternity allowance for the remainder.  So the money situation was always going to be tight.

I loved my maternity leave, but looking back only wish I’d done more with it. Made more of an effort to go out, meet new people and attend coffee mornings and social clubs.

As I may have mentioned before, I think I had a bit of post-natal depression with both my babies, though if it wasn’t this, it was certainly diagnosed as a depression of some kind.  Especially after the first birth I felt very self conscious, and almost scared to leave the house, wondering how I would cope and often breaking down in tears.  I have certainly been better this time around, although the same concerns/scares still linger at the back of my brain.

I’m very lucky though, as I have a very close and supportive family who live near to us, and a group of friends who stick together through thick and thin.  With this, I’ve got through all of it.

It sounds now doesn’t it, as though I’ve hated my maternity leave.

This isn’t true.

All that I’ve just said happened much earlier on in the maternity leave, whereas, once I’d got through the first two or three months, things became lots easier.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my days, (though some have been helped with a large gin and tonic as a reward at the end of it) and have loved spending time with my girls.  H is in nursery three days a week and at grandparents on the Monday/Tuesday, but as my parents have been out of action due to medical things, I’ve had H on a Monday along with E.

Then finally, the redundancy and job hunting – YUK!!

Ok – so I had pretty much decided that I didn’t want to return to that particular job, as I felt it was no longer the right working environment for me, but still, I suppose it’s like one of my relationships (from a very long time ago!!) where you don’t really miss something until its gone!

It was my security blanket you see.  But then I suppose even when I knew I was to be made redundant, I was still in this wonderful phase of ignorance or denial, as I knew I’d been given an opportunity to spend more time off with E and H.

But the money situation was getting worse, and there was me with grand designs, planning for a new kitchen/diner, holiday, wardrobe etc, with my poor husband (the banker!) beside himself with worry as to how we’re going to afford all this!  If I wanted any of this – I needed a job before we dipped into any of the redundancy money!

I’ve been looking for a job as I’ve said, but when I say looking, I probably only mean having the odd peek around a couple of websites to see if anything jumped out me!  Then in the last couple of weeks, after Mr B and I had ‘a chat’! it was decided that I needed to try harder to find something as soon as possible.

So, yesterday morning I went for my first job interview, which lasted 2 1/2 hours for a temping role!!! Its within a company I’d like to work for so when I found out a couple of hours later that I’d got the job, I was kind of shocked!

Half of me was happy (I’d won the position and been chosen over the other candidates!!)

The other half was sad and scared that I’d no longer be a stay at home mummy.

I don’t think it helped that the sun was shining, it was warm enough to sit out in the garden, and the long sunny summers days are just around the corner.  Also, we are expecting little E to take her first steps imminently!  I’m just sad and scared that I’m going to miss it all.

Plus, this is it now.  I’ll be at work until retirement!

We’d only ever planned to have two children you see (although I often get broody – so we will never say never!!)

Just having spent the time watching the two girls play, interact, squabble and wrestle is wonderful, and a memory I will hold dearly for ever.

I’ve loved, laughed, cried, slept, yawned, screamed, moaned, whinged, drank, scrubbed, washed, tidied, cuddled, hugged, settled, consoled… the list goes on!

So perhaps going in as a temp in the interim is good for me – its not quite so final.

Almost like I’m taking baby steps, just like E.

So, just as a reminder for me when I look back at this at a later date, here’s a quick glance back at the wonderful year I spent with my gorgeous little girls; and the special times I will hold dear for all eternity……

(Sorry – lots of photos to follow!!)

The happy times…

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The sad times…

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The one and only time E got to meet Great Gramps

The messy times…

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The windy times…

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The scary times…

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The family times…

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The sisterly love times…

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The splashy times…

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The sleepy times…

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The poorly times…

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The outdoor times…

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The indoor times…

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The birthday-fun times…

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The holiday times…

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It’s been good 🙂

I’m going to miss it terribly.

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2 Comments

  1. 12th October 2014 / 7:39 am

    awwww this post made me so sad!!!!! Looks like you have had such a lovely time being at home with them. Amazing family pictures in this post too! 🙂 Hope things are a bit easier now you’re in a routine x x

  2. 12th October 2014 / 9:13 am

    Ahhhhh, this is such a lovely post. The photos are gorgeous. There is no doubt that being a SAHM is hard but I love it. I think I’d find it hard going to work now. I’m just not ready. So I think you are amazing working as hard as you do. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

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