Being a mummy is……
We’ve all been there haven’t we?
Come on – I know you have. There’s no point telling yourselves otherwise.
You’ve been on your feet all day at work, in and out of back to back meetings with a conference call over your lunchbreak; or you’ve totally blitzed the housework/washing/ironing and done the weekly shop whilst battling with the screaming kids; and all you really want to do now is just slump into the sofa for five minutes, put your feet up and flick the remote to your favourite trashy TV program.
….no sooner has your bottom found its perfect comfy position, and you’re all snuggled down into the plump (though sick-stained) cushions, and you’ve fast forwarded through the ads to the beginning of Made in Chelsea, do you then get inundated with your kids’ demands as they climb and clamber all over you, bombarding you with a zillion questions all at once.
Mummy, I’m hungry – can I have some toast?
Mummy, can we go to the park?
Mummy, let’s build a den!
Mummy can I watch Sheriff Callie?
Mummy, can I have some sweeties?
Mummy – I need a poo!
And I must say, nine times out of ten, I will be the ever doting good mummy that I generally am.
I jump straight back up again into ‘mummy mode’, forever at their beck and call, always obliging and pandering to their every whim or whimper!
But, yes, there have been those ‘other’ times.
The ones when you’re just so utterly pooped and brain drained from the monstrous day you’ve had, you’re full of headache and your shoulders are in good need of a rub, when there is only really one thing for it.
You lie to your children!!!
Yep – you heard me,…
Tell a porkie, a fib, a white lie, an untruth, fabricate a tale, deceive them.
Yep – I totally let my imagination go crazy and just make something up.
Basically not being totally honest with your little ones, all in that desperate attempt to actually stay sat down on the comfy sofa with said feet up and cringeworthy reality TV show blaring on in the background!
Mummy, I’m hungry – can I have some toast?………
Oh sorry poppet – the toasters broken – I’ll fix you something shortly.
Mummy, can we go to the park?……..
Oh dear H – I had a letter through this morning from the park keepers saying it’s shut today – but perhaps we can check it out tomorrow.
Mummy, let’s build a den……….
Oh angel – I would but mummy’s got a really hurty head and just needs to lie down a little (not the first person we’ve used that one on eh?!?!?)
Mummy, can I have an ice lolly?……..
Do you know what H? Naughty Daddy ate them all last night and so there’s none left now
(actually not far from the truth after all!)
Mummy can I watch Sheriff Callie?……
Oh no Pops. Sky TV called and they are experiencing intermittent problems and unfortunately it only works on grown up channels at the minute.
Mummy – I need a poo!……..
OK – so maybe don’t ignore this one unless you’re in the business for a new carpet anyway!!
Yes, I always feel a little bad when I tell them something like this, because they just believe it!!
Only joking – it does make me feel guilty each and every time, but I’m only doing it to find five minutes peace.
Is that really so bad?!?!
And I’m not the only mummy who’s done it.
It feels as though it was only yesterday (though in reality about 34 years ago!) that my very own mother was telling me little fibs, just so that she could have that five minutes peace also.
The one I always remember the most was,
Oh, Stephanie, I’m sorry but I can’t, poor mummy’s got a bone in her leg!
Yeah, yeah…. I know!
We’ve all got bones in our legs!
But I was so very young and extremely gullible and you’ll just never know how very sorry I felt for my poor mum!
How worried I was for her that she had this awful sounding bone thing in her leg!
Even to the point where she could use the situation to her advantage and get me to fetch things for her instead!
So perhaps my deceit all stems from that.
Perhaps it’s all my lovely mums fault after all!
Nope – I won’t blame her for my trickery.
Perhaps this is just the way of the parenting world.
Perhaps all us mummy’s and daddy’s out there play the odd trick or tell that little white lie to our kids, just so we can rest a bit and actually have that extra five minutes in bed.
And if it gives me five minutes peace,……
……I’m sticking with it!!