1. Packing gets a whole lot harder as there is far more to think about, plan and organize for (plus as fast as you fold and neatly pack it – does your 18 month old come and unpack it!)
2. You find your luggage doubles in size as you take all the kiddy and baby regalia and pretty much pack everything bar the kitchen sink!
3. The most scary thing to think of losing as you travel is no longer your passport! Instead it’s a favourite teddy or Blanky (in our case Wo-Wo the cuddly dog) which is no longer manufactured so truly is irreplaceable and you just know all mayhem would break out if that went missing.
4. You’re no longer allowed to sleep on a flight, as either you’re up trying to soothe and comfort your overtired and irritable babies and toddlers, or they’re fast asleep but with you in the most uncomfortable of positions in order to prop them up enough to get them settled.
5. Your hand luggage is no longer books/magazines//music/puzzle books, as instead its been accosted by colouring books and pencils, teddy’s, dummy’s, sticker books and kiddie snacks!
6. A gin and tonic (or two) onboard a flight is a necessity – not just ‘a nice thing to have’!
7. You make the most of getting up early and go out to put your towels on your favorite sun loungers right in front of the pool so you can hopefully get your kids to play whilst you can supervise from the comfort of your lounger!!
8. Whilst lazing aound the pool (yeah right… as if!!), you find you’ve read the same paragraph of the same chapter, ten times over, as no sooner have you picked up your book, than a little person pops up and asks for a wee or for you to play in the pool with them.
9. A sandy beach used to be relaxing, fun, a great place to people watch and to get a cracking sun tan – now it’s a disaster zone, with sand found afterwards in every crevice a human possibly has, every pocket of your bags, in your mouth, in your eyes and up your nose and in your knickers!
- The bikini, alas, is a thing of the past. A distant memory of the fun times when you were young and gorgeous, as instead, you now have to fold and tuck your wobbly bits into a magic ‘hold your tummy in’ swimsuit or tankini!
11. The music around the pool is no longer relaxing background, rhythmic beats or fun party anthems which get you in the holiday mood – instead it’s far too loud and is about to wake the baby up!!
- You find yourselves watching others and passing judgment! And wrongly too I may say – see this post here!! Though come on…. Seriously some people just can’t help themselves and are simply asking for it with their wacky or antics or pretty awful behaviour!!
13. Though equally – you find more often than not – that it’s actually you that people are staring at. Tutting and cursing as you try to manhandle your impossibly strong toddler away from the mini market display of balls, inflatables and toys, whilst they scream blue murder and throw the biggest tantrum you’ve ever been unlucky enough to witness, let alone to deal with in public!!
- You’re first down for breakfast each day as you’ve been up since the crack of dawn – so much so that you have to wait for all the food to come out still and by the time it’s out the kids are already bored and itching to get out to the pool!
15. Your generally very high hygiene standards from home, lax a little whilst away…. If the toddler wee’s on the tiles by the pool, just wash it away with a bucket of pool water and hope no-one was watching; if the dummy falls on the floor, the three second rule is elongated somewhat into a one minute rule as you scrabble around on the floor underneath a restaurant table to try and retrieve it!
- You find yourself forever waiting for lifts as you can’t physically lug your buggy up 5 flights of hotel stairs! Along with all the other buggy wielding mums and dads out there!!!
17. You desperately flick through the hotel room TV channels in attempt to find Nickelodeon or CBeebies instead of MTV.
- You could pretty much sketch a detailed schematic drawing of the hotel grounds with your eyes shut, because you’ve walked the paths so many times to get the baby off to sleep in their stroller.
19. You can probably count on approximately 5 mini – bickers/arguments a day with your kids/partner over minor details like:
Who’s turn it is to take them to the loo?
Can’t believe you didn’t lock the passports & valuables in the safe!
Why is it taking you so long to get ready, when I’ve managed to get me and two kids ready in the same amount of time?!
I thought you said you had the door card/key!!
This is the last time I tell you not to run round the pool!
- You can’t go out and get drunk any more (especially if you’re me with such god-awful hangovers!) as you just know you’ll be woken up early each morning by boisterous and excitable kids!
21. You’re dragged up onto the dance floor….SOBER….. by your wonderful kiddies to dance along to Hey Macarena, The Birdie Song and Wigfield, and although you know all the moves and are in time with the beat your husband on the other hand is embarrassingly doing the typical Dad dancing*
- After the kids disco at 7pm, it’s us who are tired, and the kids are still raring to go!
23. You end up sat in your hotel room at 9:30 pm, trying to read your book with the torchlight from your phone, just so as not to wake the kids on the other side of the room on their ‘put-me up’ beds.
- You can rest assured that through the course of the holiday you will be pooed on, vomited on, peed on and sneezed on and that baby wipes will be your new best friend!
25. A relaxing and laid back meal out whilst on holiday – what’s that????
- Although you’ve had a fabulous time – you’re ready to return home for a rest!
27. All your ethics go out of the window and you start to wonder if dosing up your kids with a little cold medicine prior to travelling is actually bad for them after all?!?!? (Just joking!!)
- You can go home whiter than when you went out as you’ve been sat in the shade all week and your fake tan has now faded or is patchy!
29. You come back from holiday feeling even more washed out than you did when you went, and feel the need to book a second holiday in order to just get over the first!!
- The washing pile when you get back home practically hits the ceiling, yet you’re too tired to do anything about it so it’ll just stay there for a week or two!
*Dad Dancing – a definition according to Oxford Dictionaries:
Awkward or unfashionable dancing to pop music, as characteristically performed by middle-aged and older men.